Angels With Dirty Faces

Fans of the classic gangster movie Angels With Dirty Faces will understand what I`m saying.
The truth is I just cant get the final five minutes out of my head and keep thinking "should I do a Jimmy Cagney?".

At low points I must admit I am tempted to follow in the footsteps of the anti-hero.
The Cagney character has to decide whether to go out in a `blaze of glory` or to do `the right thing` for the sake of others.

I am torn and the more I think about it the harder it is to make a decision.

My main problem is how history will judge me in the future. So do I choose ego or legacy?

What if my last act instead of being recognised as an herioc gesture was considered a moment of weakness by my enemies?

That would mean the past seven years would of been a waste. So do I risk losing face for what I know is the greater good or do I remain true to myself?

Another film from my childhood - my Dad`s favourite - The Jolson Story - as a kid I must of watched at least 30 times - is not helping me to decide.

Again its the final scene in the Hollywood Night Club and the last conversation between the singers Manager and Jolsons wife.
If I told you her name you`d think I was making it up!

That last "goodbye" affected me as a child and like the final scene in Angels With Dirty Faces I have never forgotten that conversation.

Some things enter your head and never leave. I still play `Anarchy In The UK` by The Sex Pistols at least two or 3 times a week.
I never tire of it and still get `goosebumps` when I hear the opening chords or David Bowie quitting as Ziggy Stardust.

"Of all the shows on the tour - this paricular show will remain with us the longest - because not only is it the last show of the tour - its the last show we`ll ever do - thank you very much - goodbye we love you"

It was sad - it moved me - I still watch it on YouTube. The truth is Bowie/Ziggy was the biggest influence on my life.
I loved The Kray Twins, idolised Georgie Best - but David Bowie was my religion.

So as I was saying do I copy Jimmy Cagney and sacrifice my ego for the future benefit of others or do I take my reputation to the grave?

I want to do `the right thing`, the noble and honourable thing, if you like the decent thing - but I know that certain people would consider it a `moment of weakness` and rip my reputation to shreds.

They would not appreciate my final gesture. So what do I do? The right thing for me or the correct thing for others?

I am trying to think of a film that will help me come to a decision.